


Too Dainty for Death Matches

by Ike



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Rekka no Ken | Fire Emblem: Blazing Sword
Genre: (briefly) - Freeform, About a dozen cameos because I love the Elibian dorks and couldn't help it, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Office, Christmas, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Making Out, POV Multiple, Romantic Comedy, Secret Santa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-12 05:20:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28505127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ike/pseuds/Ike
Summary: Hector and Lyn were each other’s Secret Santas for the office Christmas party last year—an exchange that ended in defeat for Hector.Due to mysterious circumstances known as Matthew, they’ve drawn each other’s names again. Hector is determined to best Lyn this time, but when their confidants leak their gift plans to the enemy, a series of returned purchases and one-ups begins.It ends with them dueling on company property.
Relationships: Hector & Serra (Fire Emblem), Hector/Lyndis (Fire Emblem), Lyndis & Matthew (Fire Emblem), Matthew & Serra (Fire Emblem), Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 12
Collections: Nagamas Gifts





	Too Dainty for Death Matches

**Author's Note:**

> For twitter user @myondusk! You mentioned liking Hector/Lyn and office AU's, so here we are. You also mentioned liking fluff, which I tried to write, but it somehow morphed into this abomination.
> 
> Happy belated holidays, and I hope you enjoy the fic ^^

**Friday, December 11th**

Matthew slid the scrap of paper into Hector’s hand and winked at him. “Good luck.”

Hector looked down at his palm, where in neat writing was the name “Lyndis.”

Matthew continued around the office passing out names at random, while Hector silently did a fist pump.

“What’s got you so excited?”

He crushed the paper in his hand just in time for Lyn to pop behind him, resting her head on his shoulder.

He looked up at her with a smirk. “None of your business.”

“Oh?” She lowered her voice. “I thought maybe you were assigned someone you liked.”

“I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.”

“Secret Santas aren’t very secret if you tell people,” she said, flashing a smile and walking away to mingle.

His chance for redemption was finally here, and no way was Lyn’s teasing going to spoil it. After she humiliated him last year, he was going to give her the best damn gift ever to settle the score.

And the beauty of it all? There was no way Lyn was assigned Hector again, so she wouldn’t even be able to retaliate with a gift of her own.

…Unless, of course, she _was_ assigned him again. But what were the chances of that? There weren’t _that_ many employees in their department, but there were enough for that to not be a realistic outcome.

He tried getting back to work, thinking of what he might buy her while responding to e-mails, but the possibility, however slight, kept eating away at him.

Before long, he found himself unable to get any work done at all. The only way he would be able to focus is if he knew, for sure, that they weren’t matched with each other again. And there was only one person who would be willing to tell him who Lyn had. Someone who she told all her secrets to, who also happened to have a rather big mouth.

Serra.

He strolled through the office covertly (at least, as covertly as a man of his size could), searching her out while avoiding Lyn’s line of sight. If she saw him meeting with her now of all times, she would definitely get suspicious and step in.

The reception desk was empty, but that was no surprise. Serra was rarely at her station on a good day, let alone now—when most of the employees were away from their desks, chatting about their Secret Santas in hushed voices.

He finally found her delivering a monologue to their boss Oswin by the coffee maker and approached them.

“Can I borrow Serra, sir?” he asked, interrupting her impassioned speech about candles.

She looked between the two of them. “Oswin, love, would you excuse me for a moment?”

He looked beyond relieved at the chance to escape.

Once he was gone, she filled a cup with coffee for Hector. “Now, Hector, what could you want with a little thing like me?”

She reached for the sugar, but he chugged his coffee before she could add any.

“You know, don’t you?” he asked. “She tells you these kinds of things.”

She avoided his eyes, sipping her own coffee. “What ever could you be speaking of?”

“Don’t play dumb.” Lyn came into view and he turned around, pretending to be in conversation with a very confused Raven.

No longer feeling Lyn’s knowing gaze on him, Hector excused himself and turned back. “Just tell me who Lyn has for the Secret Santa.”

“Why—are you worried she’s going to outclass you again this year?”

“I wouldn’t say she ‘outclassed’ me…” he mumbled.

She balked at him. ”She got you a vintage hunting rifle. You got her a coupon for five free hugs OR a piggyback ride. Not even both, she had to choose! Honestly, Hector.”

“Hey, I’ll have you know my hugs are one of the Seven Wonders of the Ostian Corporation. And it was a piggyback _grand tour_ through the entire office building!”

“Did she even redeem it?”

“…No, she gave it to Wil.” Wil chose the piggyback ride. 

“I rest my case.”

“Fine, she outclassed me.”

Serra grinned in triumph. “That’s all I wanted to hear.” She set down her cup and looked in both directions, then leaned in next to him. “I have it on good authority that she did, in fact, receive the name ‘Hector’ this year.”

_Damn it._

Still, even if this complicated things, his goal remained the same.

“Thanks, Serra. Here, have one of the Seven Wonders.“ He pulled her into a hug, eliciting a small yelp.

“O-oh, how quaint…” she said, patting his back gently.

He released her, then poured himself more coffee, staring off into the distance while he downed it. “Makes you think though, doesn’t it? I mean, what are the chances we get each other two years in a row?”

She played with the cross around her neck. “Elimine works in mysterious ways, she does.”

“Yeah, Elimine, or Matthew.”

“Hector!” She gasped. “I didn’t think it like you to paint a friend dishonest.”

He rolled his eyes. “Please, he’s been stealing office supplies for years.”

“Oh, yeah? What proof have you?”

He cupped his hands over his mouth and shouted, “Matthew!”

Matthew weaved his way through the crowd, appearing in front of them. “You called?”

“Can I borrow a pen?” Hector asked.

“Ballpoint, rollerball, gel, or fountain?”

“Ballpoint, please.”

“Black, blue, or red?”

“Blue.”

Matthew opened his blazer, revealing an assortment of pens printed with the company logo. He picked one out and handed it to Hector. “Anything else?”

“That’s all, thanks.” He waited for Matthew to leave, then looked at Serra expectantly.

“Repatriating company assets for the good of his fellow co-worker—what a man!”

“You never get tired of being you, do you?”

“Of course not! Who else would I be?”

“I was hoping anybody else.”

Serra pouted. “Oh, I’m going to go home and cry into my pillow, I hope you know!”

“That thing’s like 5,000 thread count, you’ll live.”

“You’re the worst, Hector!” She pointed a finger to his chest. “The worst.”

“I know. So, what do you think I should get Lyn?”

“And why would I help you with that?”

“Because your patience and generosity are as limitless as the ocean’s waters?”

She paused, looking contemplative. “Well, you do have a point. I _am_ infinitely patient and generous.”

“And humble.”

“Yes, humble too! Exceptionally so.”

“So you’ll help me?”

She thought it over for a few moments. “Fine. You’ve worn me down.”

“Perfect. What about a pair of diamond earrings?”

“They’ve set a $50 price limit this year. You weren’t the only one she made feel inadequate.”

“Let me worry about that. But I need you to keep me posted on any movements she makes. Think you can do that?”

“Of course. I’m an excellent listener, too.”

* * *

**Monday, December 14th**

Lyn returned with another set of weight plates, fixing them onto the ends of the barbell.

She swung her legs over the bench, gripping the bar and sliding under it.

“Did you do what I asked?”

She glanced up at Matthew, who was similarly dressed down, in position to spot her.

“Maybe. But what happened to that confidence of yours?”

She started doing reps while she spoke. “Hector’s like a coyote. Most of the time, he’s more afraid of you than you are of him. But when he’s threatened, he can be pretty scary.”

“So you admit you’re afraid?”

She paused her rep. “…I didn’t say that.”

“Hey, I get it. Going behind Hector’s back like this has me nervous too. The man could kill me with his bare hands.”

“Yeah, it’s not his hands I’m worried about, it’s his competitive streak.” She grunted, straining through the end of the set. She set the bar down and exhaled. “Also, weren’t you in the mafia, Matthew? If anyone’s killing anyone, it’s you.”

He whistled innocently. “You have no proof of that.”

Lyn picked up her water bottle, side-eyeing him while rehydrating. “Anyway, what do you have for me?”

“You sure you want to know?”

“I’m a big girl, I can take it.”

“He bought you diamond earrings.”

Maybe taking another drink right then wasn’t so smart. She put her hand over her mouth, choking on her water. “Diamond earrings?! _Real_ diamond?”

“Half carat. Saw them myself, and you know I can spot fakes from a mile away.”

She sat on the end of the bench and put her face in her hands. “How did he even manage that with the price limit?”

“He watched a marathon of that show _Excessive Coupon Clipping_ ,” he said, rubbing her shoulder sympathetically.

No amount of coupons made that possible, but that was beside the point.

“I knew it.” She stood and started to pace. “I knew he would be out for blood this year.”

“What are you going to do?”

“Return this pocket watch, for one.” She pulled it from her bag and fed it into her other hand by the chain.

“It’s a nice pocket watch,” he said, his tone the equivalent of a gold star for effort.

“’Nice’ isn’t going to cut it. I need to _destroy_ Hector.”

He shrugged. “Get him something personal, then. Diamond earrings are nice, but they’re something any woman can appreciate.”

“Actually, Hector commented on how I’ve had the same pair for years,” she said, flicking her well-worn earring. “This was pretty thoughtful of him.”

“Guess he’s not playing around, then…”

“No, he’s not. You did give me an idea though. You said he was watching a marathon?”

“All day, yeah. What about it?”

There was an evil look in her eyes. “Oh, you’ll see.”

* * *

**Friday, December 18th**

“A 4K smart TV?!”

Hector’s voice practically shook the overhead lights, and Priscilla poked her head over the cubicle wall to shush him.

“It’s not proper to raise your voice during office hours, Hector.”

“It’s not proper to stalk your brother’s social media during office hours either, _Priscilla_ , but none of us are perfect.”

Serra waved goodbye to Priscilla as she sank back beneath the wall, then turned to regard Hector again. “She has a point, you know. You said you wanted to meet in your cubicle for secrecy, but that volume wasn’t very secretive.”

“This is around when Lyn takes her naps, anyway. I’m more concerned about that TV.”

“Seventy-inches is the number my songbird sang,” she said, twirling a pen around her hair.

“That’s impossible. She had to have broken the price limit.”

“Hector!” She gasped. “I didn’t think it like you to paint a friend dishonest.”

“Why am I getting a sense of déjà vu?”

“Maybe it’s your heart. Have you been watching your carb intake like Lucius said?”

“You’re worse for my heart than any carb could be.”

“Because I’m sweet like sugar?” she asked, batting her lashes.

“You’re doing me a favor, so we’ll go with that this time.”

“I’m not fond of your implication.”

“And I’m not fond of falling behind on work to process the bomb you dropped.”

“But you weren’t filing those reports even before I came up to you. You were searching ‘how to get gains.’ What are you trying to gain, Hector? I hope the answer is an appreciation for the Lord.”

“Serra, have I told you how lovely you are lately?”

She blushed, and the corners of her lips turned up. “Why, no you haven’t…”

“Yeah—there’s a reason for that.”

Her smile turned to a frown. “Honestly, so rude.”

“It keeps me awake at night,” he said, clicking through to one of the reports. “Anyway, I’ll have to return the earrings. No way I’ll beat her with those.”

“What will you get her instead?”

“I haven’t decided yet. But if Lyn can break the price limit, then so can I.”

“Why do I have a bad feeling?”

“I don’t know; maybe it’s your heart.”

* * *

**Sunday, December 20th**

Lyn finished the last bite of her soft pretzel, balling up the wrapper and making a three-point shot into the trash can. She picked the Carabia Jewelry bag with the pocket watch up off the bench and strolled to the jeweler.

She’d been meaning to return it for nearly a week now, but Matthew broke the news about the diamond earrings the day after free pretzel day at the mall, so she had to wait until the next one. There was nothing to be done about it, really.

She walked up to the front, where there was a woman with a shawl and a polite smile to greet her.

“How can I help you?”

Lyn set the watch on the counter and slid it across. “I’d like to make a return, please.”

“Of course, madam. Do you have the receipt with you?”

“Yeah, right here.” She turned to dig through the bag, and on the edge of her vision, she caught sight of a head of blue hair.

She whirled around, and the blue was gone in a flash.

In her friendliest voice, Lyn asked, “Would you excuse me?”

She ran after him, turning a sharp corner. There was a stream of shoppers on either side of the hall, but she immediately picked Hector out among them. He was walking at a relaxed pace, apparently trying to blend in with the crowd, not realizing it was impossible for a man of his thickness to do so. He was like cats when they try to hide under furniture but their butts stick out.

She squeezed her way through the hustle and bustle, “excuse me”s and “sorry”s as she pushed past people, until he was finally within reach.

“Hector!”

He turned to look at her, a Carabia Jewelry bag in his hand and a soft pretzel in his mouth.

They both stood still for a long moment, then he made a break for it. The corridor opened up into a large open hall, so he was able to run without bowling anyone over.

But while Hector was stronger, Lyn was faster.

She caught up to him and leapt, knocking him to the ground in a flying tackle.

“My pretzel!” he cried as it fell to the floor.

She picked it up and held it to his mouth. “Sorry about that. Five second rule?”

He nodded. “Five second rule.”

While he happily bit into his pretzell, Lyn stood back up.

“Now tell me, Hector: what’s in the bag?”

He hugged it to his chest. “Porn. So much porn. I have an addiction.”

“I saw the label, Hector.”

“…Okay, you got me—it’s your present.”

“But you were walking into the store when I saw you, not out. It’s a return, isn’t it?”

“You can’t prove that.”

Lyn made a grab for the bag, and after a short wrestle, she emerged with the receipt.

“Sunday the 13th! There’s even pretzel on it!” _And hey, he really did pay $49.99. Now I feel bad about exceeding the limit…_

“Fine, so what if I was returning it?”

“Why were you?”

“Maybe I found something better.”

“Or _maybe_ you found out about the TV and needed to rethink your strategy.” She grabbed him by the collar. “Who told you?”

“I could ask you the same thing.”

“What?”

“Your bag,” he said, taking advantage of their proximity to swipe it, “is empty.” He shook it to prove a point, while she made grabby hands. “So why were _you_ returning something to Carabia?”

“…Fine. I found out about the earrings.”

He sighed. “Matthew?”

She nodded. “Serra?”

“Yeah… Well, let’s never trust those two with anything ever again.”

“Agreed.”

Hector swallowed the rest of his pretzel and put his hands on his hips. “Okay, how about this: one last gift. No returns, no exchanges, no telling anyone.”

“And no price limit?”

“No price limit.”

“Then may the best woman win.”

They shook on it, and then an awkward silence fell between them.

“…I never got to make my return,” Hector said.

“Yeah, me neither. Aimee’s still waiting for me.”

* * *

**Thursday, December 24th**

“So he really hasn’t told you?” Serra asked. “Not even a hint?”

Matthew shook his head. “And Lyn?”

“Afraid not. She barely speaks a word to me these days!”

“Hector’s none too pleased with me either. We knew this might happen when we decided to set them up, though.”

She hung her head. “I suppose you’re right… But I prayed really hard to Elimine that our plan would go well!”

“Serra, you once prayed to Elimine that the sun would rise later so you could get your beauty sleep. I think she’s stopped listening at this point.”

“She has not! Why, just last night I prayed to her that I would be the prettiest girl at the Christmas party, and look, it worked!”

“You don’t say? Then maybe I should pray to her that a sea witch steals your voice.”

“I will have you _know_ —“

“Hold that thought,” he said, raising a hand. “They’re here.”

Hector and Lyn were both in the entryway, trying to fit their oversized presents through the door at the same time.

“His is longer, but hers is bigger…” Serra said.

Sain walked up behind them, waggling an eyebrow. “What are we talking about here?”

“Lyn and Hector’s gifts,” Matthew said. “Speaking of which, can you give this to your boyfriend when you see him?” He handed Sain a rectangular present with a card reading “Kent.”

Sain looked at the box. “It’s pens, isn’t it?”

“It’s pens.”

* * *

Empty cups and gift wrapping filled the trash and employees filtered out the door, raising their voices in season’s greetings to the ether.

Lyn returned from helping Florina carry a very drunk Farina to the car, a sweat not even broken. “You ready to open our presents?”

“Yeah, but not here—there’s cameras.” Hector looked directly at them, which was known to not be suspicious behavior. “I was thinking the roof.”

“Really?!” Lyn beamed. “I was thinking the same thing.”

Serra leaned closer to Matthew and whispered, “Should we be concerned?”

“Oh, one hundred percent,” Matthew said, calmly nodding.

“If you two are so fascinated,” Hector said, “why don’t you come with us and be the judges?”

Serra held her hand to her heart. “I would be honored—my impeccable taste will finally have a chance to shine.”

“Please, you flash it at people every chance you get,” Matthew said.

Hector and Lyn picked up the oversized presents they’d received, Hector carrying his under his arm and Lyn slinging hers over her shoulder. Matthew and Serra followed from a distance, and the four of them wound their way up the stairwell, passing their janitor Dorcas on the way.

Hector opened the door to the roof, blasting them with a gust of cold air. The sky was shades of pink and purple, and snowflakes fell from the clouds (not sticking, sadly).

Serra wrapped her arms around herself and shivered in an exaggerated display. “Remind me why do we have to do this out here?”

Matthew took his blazer off and hung it around her shoulders to placate her.

“You’ll see,” Lyn said.

“I know why I didn’t want _your_ gift on the cameras, but what’s wrong with mine?” Hector asked. “It’s not a box of porn, is it? Because I was joking about the addiction.”

“Were you?” Matthew asked. “Erk’s told me some stories about your browser history.”

His face burned red. “That’s it—new year, new IT guy.”

Lyn held back her laughter. “No, it’s not porn. Open it and find out.”

“Fine, then. You ready?”

“Ready to win? Always.”

Matthew and Serra anxiously watched from a distance, the biting cold seemingly forgotten.

Hector’s heart pounded in his ears as he reached for the ribbon, untying it and dropping it to the ground. Across from him, Lyn unwrapped her gift with the same care.

He decided to get it over with, undoing the flaps on the end then tearing down the bottom in one go. He pulled apart the wrapping paper on either side, revealing his gift.

Carefully resting in the hollow of a velvet rectangle was…a giant battle axe.

Oh no.

Lyn gasped, holding her own gift in the air. “A sword?!”

He was certain he had the perfect gift. There’s no way you can beat a $1,000 sword with a real gold-plated blade…except with a (probably) $1,000 axe, with a (probably) real gold-plated blade.

He lifted it from its case, holding it flat against his palms and admiring the workmanship.

Lyn was doing the same, tracing her fingers along the edge with wonder in her eyes. “Oooh.”

“I’ve declared my judgement,” Serra said. “You both lost, and I’m filing restraining orders.”

“I’m calling a tie as well,” Matthew said. “You know each other a little too well. It’s creeping me out.”

Neither of them paid any attention, too distracted by their weapons.

Hector gripped the hilt with both hands and raised his axe, hunching his shoulders and shifting his right leg forward. “Hey, Lyn…are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

She glanced up at him, and her wonder turned to mischief. She mirrored his posture, assuming her best guess at proper sword-wielding form. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“Well, I would have it plenty of other ways!” Serra said. “Doesn’t that count for something?”

Hector and Lyn spoke at the same time.

“Not really.”

“No.”

She pouted. “Fine. If anyone needs me, I’ll be inside. I’m too dainty for death matches.”

She walked through the door, and a moment later her face popped up in the little window, watching.

“Guess that leaves me as the referee,” Matthew said. “Just don’t kill each other, ’kay? I haven’t taken life insurance policies out on you yet.”

Lyn quirked an eyebrow at him. “Are there people you _have_ taken life insurance policies on?”

“Oh, yeah. Oswin, for starters.”

“I always thought Serra would be the one to kill our boss, but maybe not,” Hector said.

He shrugged. “Not knowing is half the fun. It’s a lot like a Secret Santa.”

“I don’t think waiting to find out which of your employees is going to kill you is like having a Secret Santa, actually,” Lyn said.

“Agree to disagree. Anyway, can you two start already? I’m freezing here.”

Hector nodded toward the door. “Why don’t you ask Serra for your jacket?”

Her muffled voice protested through the glass. “It’s mine and I’m keeping it!”

Matthew sighed. “You heard the lady.”

“Then we won’t waste another second.” Lyn drew her blade, springing at Hector.

Her assault took him off guard and he stumbled back with a grunt, blocking her strikes with the flat side of the axe.

She drew her sword back and thrusted at his side, but he dodged right and used the opening to bring his axe down on her blade, the force sending it clattering to the floor.

She dropped and rolled, picking it up as she went and raising it to block another downward swing. She pushed back with all her force and sent Hector reeling, long enough to leap back to her feet.

“You’re pretty good at this,” Hector said.

“Not so bad yourself.”

They looked deep into each other’s eyes, then went right back at it, the clanging of their weapons ringing through the wintry air.

Lyn parried an overhead swing from Hector, leaving him wide open. She made a high slash, but he ducked under the blade and went for a low one. She was trapped, and the axe was coming right toward her legs.

* * *

Eliwood hurried up the stairs, following the advice of Dorcas and the sound of clashing steel. When he reached the top, Serra was blocking the door to the roof, peeking through its window.

He was about to ask what she was doing, when the fight outside caught his attention. He moved behind her—Serra turning to gawk at him in surprise for a moment before being drawn back in as well—and looked out just in time to see Hector swinging an axe right at Lyn’s legs.

Eliwood recoiled, preparing for the worst.

But it never came.

Lyn jumped into the air and landed on top of Hector’s axe. She kicked off of it, and the momentum knocked it out of his hands.

Eliwood breathed a sigh of relief, even as Hector fell on his back and Lyn pointed the tip of her blade at his throat. Whatever they were up to, it seemed to have ended.

“Ready to admit defeat?” Lyn asked.

Hector smirked up at her. “Not a chance.”

He made a low sweep, knocking her off her feet.

Eliwood and Serra both cringed as her sword fell to the side of them, narrowly avoiding slicing anyone.

Lyn landed on top of Hector, bracing her arms against the concrete for support. For a long moment, they stared at each other without saying anything.

Just when it looked like they might get up, they instead met halfway for a kiss. Evidently, they brought as much passion into making out as they did into battling.

A flash and the click of a camera shutter filled the air before Matthew flipped his phone shut. “Mission accomplished.”

Serra was so shocked she barely noticed Eliwood pressing his face to the glass with a sigh. “What are you two doing?”

Hector and Lyn broke apart from the kiss, looking up at their friend.

“Oh, hey Eli,” Hector said. “Back from your trip?”


End file.
